Hey Brother!!
Does it sound like any movie you've seen before, or does it sound like every movie you've ever seen before? Yeah. So your thinking to yourself, "yeah, the story sucks, but its an action movie!" and I say "YEAH, but the action sucks too!" The movie opens with a pretty cool scene where we see a bunch of Japanese gangsters get torn up, but we never really see anything other then a few guys getting their heads CGI'd off. Its cool at the beginning because it doesn't show you the action just yet and you think "Cool, I can't wait till later when the action gets better" and then it gets worst. After the cool intro we're treated to one of those scenes where we see investigators trying to figure out whats going on behind the scenes and that's when I said "Fuck this movie >:O!" I don't want this bullshit! This is a fucking Ninja movie. I got really mad and everyone was like "Come on man, calm down!" and I was like "Fuck that!" and I killed myself. Then the rest of the movie takes place in Germany, and I killed myself again.Seriously, as the movie went on, it became more clear that the filmmakers were making this up on the fly. Its like when I was a little kid and me and my little kid friends would play Star Wars or Jurassic Park and make up the movie as we went along. Only our action scenes were a lot better. Like when I escaped from a triceratops stampede on a motorcycle in the middle of a collapsing factory. That shit was awesome. Ninja Assassin's action is terrible and its the reason I hate this movie. When you watch a movie about ninjas, you should be expecting good action. You should be expecting a bunch of guys jumping all over the place, running up walls and shit. You should be expecting some decently choreographed sword fighting. You should be expecting at least one or two guys to be turned into gushing fountains of blood, and at least one person getting poisoned and vomiting up a ton of blood. Yeah, what you get is a bunch of lazy quick cuts, shaky camera bullshit, and cartoony looking CGI blood. I don't get CGI blood. I mean, I don't get why so many people use shaky camera either, because it just makes it hard to follow the action, but I really don't get CGI blood effects.
Rain a.k.a Mr. Make-It-Rain-On-Them-Hoes
Out of all the complex effects needed for any action movie, bloodpacks are the simplest and best way to show blood exiting the human body. It's simple because all you do is put fake blood in a squib or in a hose hidden in the needed area and have it go off. The technique has been used for years, and it looks more realistic then CGI, which anyone can spot. I just don't get why you would throw out something that's worked for years and years for something that cost so much more, takes so much longer to do, is a lot more complicated, cost a hell of a lot more, and looks so much worst. I mean this is something that was figured out way back at the start of action movies. Its one of those things that was checked off as being done. No need to work on it anymore because we got that shit all figured out. But no, we got to put CGI in. Dickheads.It looked dumb in Beat Takashi's Zatoichi, and it looks dumb here. At least Zatoichi was a decent movie.
Ninja Silent Assassin is slightly better because of the poster
Overall there arn't many positives, or any at all really. The story doesn't even count as a story as much as its a pile of lazy cliches, that weren't even used properly, and the action was embarrassing. I'm actually surprised there's anyone around to defend this piece of shit, but then again, a lot of people liked V for Vendetta, another movie by the same director, and that was shit too. In fact, fuck anyone that likes this movie, because its a perfect example of bad filmmaking. It might sound harsh, but you're taste in movies is awful, and god help us all if there is ever a Ninja Assassin 2. They're probably call it Ninja Assassins. Then the earth will explode.
1 out of 10
