This documentary, which is based on true events that happen to real people, tells the story of how punk rock was killed. And then brought back to life again.. and then nuked by the United States Army. It also answers the question of what happened to Louisville Kentucky.Though I've been wanting to see this movie for a long time, being a pretty big fan of zombie movies, my misconceptions of what the movie was about always lead me to assume it wasn't worth watching. I've always disliked the Horror genre. Not because I don't like Horror movies, because I do, but because so many movies in the genre are shit. I think when done well, Horror can provide some of the best movies out there, but while the good movies can be great, the bad ones have the amazing ability to be popular as well. What follows is a genre that's tied down with filmmakers that would rather half ass their movies and gun for the "Cult Classic" title, than make an actual good movie. Which is what I was expecting.
After finely given into the urge to see a punk rock zombie movie I realized that the movie is actually really good. Like fucking awesome good. Its that good, yeah.
Though part of me wants to say I like camp, because I've always felt that most movies take themselves way too seriously, and if they lightened up a bit, they'd be so much more enjoyable, I've always defined "camp" as being the annoying part of a movie where the filmmakers let the audience know that they are aware of how bad they are at making the movie you're watching and don't plan on trying any harder. Its like when a comedian is telling really dumb jokes that aren't funny, and keeps telling you how unfunny they are, without putting any effort into them because hey, you can't say they aren't funny if they aren't trying to be, right? In fact I consider it to be one of the worst sins a filmmaker can commit, because why even try to make a good movie when you can wink and nod at the audience? Its bullshit, and I see more and more people letting filmmakers get away with it. Look at the fact that shit like Shoot Em Up exists and tell me I'm wrong.
Shoot 'em up was good the first time when it was called Crank and didn't suck.Not only does Return of the Living Dead avoid doing this, but it goes on to do something pretty amazing by balancing its comedy with its scares, without either being gratuitous. In fact I can't think of another movie that does it quite as well. Even some of the jokes in Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness fell a little too over the top, while the scares fell cheap. But never is there a moment in Return that I felt was out of place or unjustified in its execution. Which is pretty rare for me to say. In the end I may not feel like Return of the Living Dead is the "Best" movie ever made, but it definitely feels like its the best movie it can possibly be, making it almost a perfect movie.
The first element of the movie that makes it shine is the acting. Everyone knows that horror movies are known for bad acting, making the death of character all the more enjoyable. Low budget Horror movies are even more notorious, which is why the excellent acting in this movie was so surprising. Right off the bat you meet Frank and Freddie, two guys working in a chemical waste disposal company, or something. Franks been there for a while and Freddie is new. When Freddie asks Franks about his weirdest experiences, Frank tells him a story of how the Night of the Living Dead was based on a true event, but certain things were changed so that the filmmakers wouldn't get their asses sued off by the Army, because the Army is pretty well feared for suing the asses off of filmmakers. Although this plot point is so unnecessary, there's something charming about the fact that the movie is a kind of sequel to the granddaddy of Zombie movies, without it being anything like it. And because this is a true story, it makes Night of the Living dead, by extension, a true story too.
The two go into the basement to see the containers that contain the last remaining remains of the dead living dead. This is the point in the movie where you usually have something ridiculous happen that results in the mayhem the movie has promised. In this movie they cut the shit and just let the movie begin. We're then treated to an intro to Freddy's punk rocker friends, and the movie is officially under way. The characters, being well acted and all, shine and make the story intriguing. Meaning that when they die, which they will since its a fucking zombie movie, you say "oh no" instead of "good, fuck that guy, stupid asshole, this move sucks."
This guy is more punk than a skunk.As one thing leads to another, the character find themselves surrounded as the dead comeback to life and seek out the living in search for "BRAAAAIINNNS!" Why do they want brains? Because being dead sucks and munching brains is just something to do. Things continue to escalate from bad to badder to baddest of all, before become worst, worstest, and then just pretty terrible.
Everyone's having a good time!Another thing that moves the film from being pretty good to being almost perfect is the amazing soundtrack. The music perfectly fits the tone of the movie with some great tracks from horror punk bands like The Cramps, TSOL, and the Damned. It even has a track from the Tallboys, a band with Nigel Lewis and Mark Robertson of The Meteors fame(not that they're famous).
The final thing that makes this movie the shit is when we get tits from out of nowhere. Theres a character in the movie that's like that one girl we all knew in high school that was really short and weird and liked to get attention by being short and weird. She would say really dumb and weird things but was kind of cute in a creepy and weird way. yeah she gets naked in this movie and starts dancing around in a graveyard. its awesome. One minute she's saying weird stuff to one of the other character, who's weirded out for obvious reason, and then BAM, shes topless, then BAAAAMM, totally naked, and we have the recipe for one of my favorite scenes in recent memory. It's almost as cool as the "this is a chemical burn" scene from Fight Club. I don't care what anyone says, that's an awesome movie.
NAKED!Oh and there's the Tarman. He loves brains. He adorable. I'm pretty sure that if I saw this movie as a kid I would think the Tarman was real and would have nightmares about him, because as an adult I think the Tarman is real and I have nightmares about him. If I ever meet the Tarman on the street and he looks at me and says "BRAINS!" I'll probably just shit my pants and faint. I plan to show it to my kids to see how they react. They're probably just end up scared to death of black people though. Yeah I said it, Tarman looks like one of those black face cartoons from back in the day, only he's scary in a slightly fascinating way rather then being offensive in a slightly hilarious way. and he wants BRAINS!!
Wanting brains is offensive!As stated earlier the movie comes off to me as being as close to being the best movie that it can, making it what I call a perfect movie. Its not the best movie, but its almost complete lack of flaws puts it, in my eyes, in a rare category. Its the kind of movie you can tell was fun as hell to make for everyone involved. Its just too bad that writer and director Dan O'Bannon, better known for writing the movie Alien (yeah, the famous one with Sigourney Weaver) and the B-17 scene in Heavy Metal (the best one in the movie) and lesser know for contributing with John Carpenter early in both their careers on Dark Star and doing effects work on Star Wars (yeah the famous one with Chewbacca), didn't get more work after this movie, because he proved that unlike most people in the business, he has his shit together. It also lives in a weird place between being both a cult classic that gets pretty decent referencing in pop culture while still being obscure and underrated. Its like everyone has heard of zombies that want BRAINS!! but no one knows its from this movie, or that this movie exists. But they should. It has tits in it.
9 out of 10 paramedics